Period Drama

Ashley had her baptism yesterday and I'm officially Godma! *YAYY!*

She was so cute and such a good baby... But that's not what this post is about. I will post pics of her and gush about her in my next entry.

So yes... yesterday was her big baptism day and Godparents (ME) and parents had to go for some briefing with the priest before the mass started.

As I was sitting in the room waiting for everybody to settle, I felt that dreaded FEELING.

It was THAT Time Of The Month.

After urgently whispering to my sis that I had to run to the loo, I ran helter-skelter out of the classroom.

"Clack! Clack! Clack!", went my heels as I ran down the stairs, arms flailing about trying to keep my balance as I zoomed in to the toilet and slammed the bathroom door.

Now why I'm in such a panic is coz I was wearing a WHITE dress. And a THONG. Like is there any worse timing in the world to be wearing a WHITE DRESS AND A THONG??!!

"Why God WHY?!", I wailed in my head. I know I'm not a good girl. I sin everyday. But to punish me this way?! God... you can be SO cruel.

I urgently dialed for Jem who was upstairs in the main church hall, waiting for the mass to start.

"Pick uppp... PICK UPPPP..." I muttered under my breath as I willed him to answer his phone.

"Hello?" HE ANSWERED! I never thought his voice sounded sexier.

"DarIgotmyperiodandIneedyoutorunoppositetoNTUCandgetmetamponsNOW!!!!!!" I blurted all in one breath.

"Hah?! OKokokok...."

I didn't wait to hear whatever else he said. I hung up, and ran back up to the briefing room in my dratted clacking high heels. The briefing had already started and I tiptoed back to my seat trying to look nonchalant and calm, like I just went out for a little breather. Afterall, I'm a first time God Parent you know...

"So parents you will carry your baby up to the ...." droned the priest. I wasn't listening. I was already devising ways to kill myself if I had to walk around with a red patch on my skirt.

My handphone started to vibrate and the words "Dearie Hp" were flashing on the screen.

"SMS me", I typed.

(The following SMS conversation is TRUE. I Swear.)

My handphone buzzed with an sms from Jem.

It read: No Tampon. Pad only. I buy Kotex pad can?

Kotex?! I didn't know they still produced Kotex pads?! I've stopped using pads for 10 years. The last time I saw a Kotex brand pad was when it was still being sold in pink cardbox boxes, which was probably like... 20 years ago?!

I furiously typed back: Get Ultra Thins. Whisper brand also can.

I didn't care if the priest thought I was the rudest girl around, the gall of me to SMS while he was talking. My soul is damned anyway.

My handphone buzzed with another sms from Jem: I buy Sofy Night Guard for you. Prevent side leakage.

WHAT?! Argh.. I gave up and replied "OK" and anxiously waited for Jem to get back to the church.

"Ok you can all now make your way up to the church hall... " Once I heard the priest say those words I was up and dialling Jem and demanding to know where was he.

"I'm back in the church already..." He panted.

"Ok I'm coming down NOW!" I yelled, hung up, and was out of the classroom like The Flash.

"Clackclakclack" went my heels again as I ran down the stairs like a deranged woman.

I spotted Jem walking in the carpark, trying to rip open the pack of Sofy pads in the NTUC Fairprice plastic bag. I ran towards him.

"Gimme the pad!" I yelled furiously.

"You need one or two?!" He yelled back.

"ONE LA!!!!" I yelled and grabbed the pad from him and ran off.

I swear. It was the thickest and longest pad I had ever seen. It was literally 30cm long and about 3cm thick. I felt like I was wearing pampers. How I balanced the pad on my teenie thong, I don't know. Maybe miracles do happen.

At least I felt very protected.

When I finally slid into the pew next to Jem, I whispered furiously to him, "You had to get me the THICKEST one right?"

He replied back indignantly, "Eh. Can prevent side leakage you know".

Those words, I never thought I would ever hear out of his mouth.

When I showed him the size of the pad at the end of the night, even he couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculously huge it was.

Thank God everything went off without a hitch. No red spots... and definitely no side leakage.

I guess God does answer prayers.

Halleluiah! ;p